As Minor & I kissed Daddy goodbye I couldn’t help feeling a little excited at the prospect of being here alone with Dr. Drop Dead Gorgeous, and immediately started putting a plan together in my head. Maybe if I started coughing next time he came in he could have a listen to my chest too. My thighs automatically squeezed together and a naughty smirk spread across my face.
After pumping a few more coins into the TV, and making sure Minor was comfortable, I grabbed my toiletry bag and headed for the bathroom. After rearranging my curls and adding a splash of colour to my cheeks and lips I floated back into the room in a cloud of Chanel number 5. Only 30 minutes until the return of Dr. Sex On Legs and I was quivering with excitement.
The evening meal arrived looking rather un-inviting, mashed potato (packet mix), a piece of cheese (what the hell) and some rather pale, sickly looking peas. Minor’s face was a pure picture of disgust and rightly so!
“Can I have pasta please?” (If you have ever seen the Cat from Shrek, Puss In Boots, when he does his big eyed kitten look, that’s the look he gave me).
I made my way to the cafeteria to check out the food on offer and bingo, they had a cold tuna pasta salad. I bought a few things to take back to the room and snuck a couple of small bottles of wine into my handbag.
“Party for one?” Dr. Mc’Dreamy had appeared like a vision before me, eyeing my alcohol beverages with a cheeky smile.
“Party for two if you’d care to join me Dr”, was the reply I said sexily in my head, “Erm, oh, haha, yeah I guess” was the actual drivel that found its way out of my mouth. I could feel the blush so badly, I thought maybe even my hair had turned red. I scurried back to Minor kicking myself all the way for my pathetic response. I have the best ideas in my head so how come they never make it all the way to my mouth? Don’t you hate it when all the comebacks you could’ve said, come to you after the event?
After making sure the little man was happy with his new pasta meal I poured myself a much needed, large, plastic glass of red. I realised the chair was some kind of deck chair bed contraption and lifted the arm to ease back a little and raise my feet. Bad idea, the chair collapsed into fully extended bed mode throwing me and all my glass contents backwards ensuring a beautiful bordeaux decoration of everything white.
My white dress, the white walls, the white sheets on Minor’s bed all got a good splash of red. It looked like someone’s blood transfusion had gone terribly wrong. The inside of my shirt collar was totally soaked and looked like I’d recently slit my throat. Minor was finding the whole scenario hilarious and laughed himself into a coughing fit.
I tried to get up off the collapsing bed to give my son a pat on the back and ended up bursting his bubble (literally). I’d managed to pull the plug on the machine that was pumping oxygen into his plastic kingdom and it deflated quicker than a 5 dollar blow up sex doll.
The alarm screeched as I tried to untangle us both from the limp plastic mess and cables. Two nurses came running into the room, the look on their faces a mixture of disbelief and amusement and, to top off the shame I was already wallowing in, in waltzes Dr.Daydream. It took the three of them five minutes to disentangle my leg from the cables and Minor from his plastic constraints.
You can imagine how mortified I was and at this point I can honestly say I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life (apart from the time the porta-loo opened on a busy high street much to the shock and surprise of a few hundred pedestrians and myself). If my son hadn’t been sitting in the bed, a patient, I would have turned and run for the hills.
“Looks like that party for one was quite something”, Dr. Gorgeous said looking straight into my eyes causing my insides to melt and slowly gather in a pool in my belly.
“Sorry about that” was all I could manage while keeping my eyes firmly fixed on my feet.
Clean sheets and a re-inflated bubble later they were all gone and I was back in my own world of humiliation and disbelief. I changed into a clean dress and prepared my chair-bed into its fully reclined position to prepare myself for sleep. The TV was automatically shut down at 10pm and when our roommates on the other side of the curtain flicked off the lights we were left in the dark. Minor had fallen asleep sometime earlier, so I snuggled down to get some much needed shut eye of my own.
I kept on replaying the scene over and over in my head like a bad dream. That’s Karma for you, try and flirt behind hubby’s back and she will bite you in the ass, I was surely living proof of that!
Just as images of Dr. Gorgeous began to fill my dreams I was dragged unceremoniously back from sleep to the sound of what I can only describe as revving chainsaw in the room. My roomie, or rather the little boy’s father next door, snored louder than my dog and hubby together.
Nooooooooo I couldn’t bear this anymore. Not even my pillow could act as a sound barrier against the noise and to add insult to injury the nurse came from her reception post outside the room and closed the door so SHE couldn’t hear it!
Thanks Karma!
By Amanda Carrington – Desperate Housewife