Organising my husbands 50th had been a challenge.
Where to go, what to do, who to invite?
I wanted to do something out of the ordinary, so I finally settled on a weekend in Prague. Neither of us had been there so I could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. I made all the necessary arrangements, the kids would stay with my parents, and we were free for four days.
The thought of being away from the Riot Squad for 4 days had made the last month pass in the blink of an eye. The day had arrived and hubs was none the wiser that I had a huge 50th birthday arranged for him in Prague. As far as he was concerned we were having a (dirty) birthday weekend away. Fortunately, our birthdays fell 3 days apart giving me the perfect excuse to organise the weekend as a treat for us both.
I had invited eighteen of our closest friends and we were all staying in the same hotel. My younger sister had suggested that she would stay in a hotel outside the centre of Prague, as the hotel I had chosen was a little too pricey for her student budget. I decided that it would be best if I paid the difference of the room and kept her close by, you never know what could happen in some strange back street hostel.
We agreed that when I arrived I would give her the £300 pounds difference for the four day stay and she would pay it back eventually.
The flight to Prague was uneventful; a small child screamed for the entire duration of the flight, the person behind me kept kicking the chair and the man in front snored so loud he woke himself up three times.
We landed in a white haze of snow, it was so pretty to see out of the window, something like a Winter Wonderland scene.
The greeting we received at Prague airport was about as inviting as death row. A line of burly, angry looking soldiers dressed in black, stared menacingly at us while wielding AK47 machine guns. We approached the passport control counter like two naughty school kids feeling intimidated to say the least.
“ONE AT A TIME!” The guy screamed, frightening the living daylights out of me.
I stepped back behind the yellow line meekly and waited for hubs to pass first. I have never been so intimidated and made to feel so uncomfortable upon entering a country as much as this. My first thoughts of Prague weren’t good ones.
Having made it through customs we grabbed our bags and headed outside. I had ordered a limousine pick up and there it was, the oldest Limo I have ever seen in my life. I made a joke to hubs that I’d ordered a 50 year old limo for his 50th birthday.
The ride into the centre of Prague was beautiful. The falling snow and the pretty lights twinkling as night fell was making up for the hostile welcome we’d received only a short while before.
“How romantic,” I sighed looking out of the window. We had a bottle of Prosecco in the back of the car that we managed to empty in the short 25 minute journey to the hotel.
Arriving at the hotel, I quickly texted my sister to make sure that she was in her room and we wouldn’t be bumping into her. She could only get a flight on the Thursday too, everyone else would arrive tomorrow. She confirmed that she was in her room and could I pop up with the money as reception were waiting for her to pay.
Now I found myself in a predicament. How could I ask hubs for £300 and then say I needed to pop out for a while when we had just arrived in a country we had never been to before. I hadn’t thought this through! There is no way he will hand over cash and let me leave without wanting a very valid and believable excuse. What on earth could I say?!
“Darling” I cooed, “I’m going to have to ask you something but you can’t ask any questions.”
“What?” he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
“I need £300 and I need to go out for a short while to organise something, but it’s a surprise.”
“You what?” he said, leaving his bag and turning around to focus fully on me.
“You want £300, whatever for?”
“I told you, no questions,” I giggled but it sounded too strained. He was onto me and I knew that I would not be leaving this room with his money, or without him, anytime soon.
“Sorry, no can do. Tell me what you need the money for and where you are going, or it’s a no.” His tone was final and I knew that I had to think fast.
I don’t know where this thought came from, or why, but it just fell out of my mouth and then there was no taking it back.
“OK, spoilsport, I have a birthday surprise organised for you. It’s a threesome and I need to go and pay and choose the lady we want to join us for dinner tomorrow evening. Then, if you’d like, we can have a threesome. It’s a one-off offer for your 50th birthday and I thought you’d like it” I said gushing, the words falling out so quickly I had to bite my tongue.
The look on his face will stay with me for the rest of my life. It was a combination of pure disbelief and can’t believe my luck!
“You did that for me, I mean you’d do that for me?” he said incredulously.
“Yes darling, just because it’s your 50th and just this once.”
My plan had worked. I could see the fire light in his eyes and he looked at me with so much love, I suddenly felt terribly guilty.
“Oh my god, I don’t know what to say, come here,” he said, sweeping me up into his arms and crushing me in a passionate kiss.
He took his wallet from his pocket and started peeling off notes for me. I couldn’t believe it, my fast thinking had worked but would it backfire? He was so happy bless him, I hope I hadn’t just ruined a wonderful surprise party.
With a handful of cash I ran upstairs to my sisters room and hammered on the door until she opened. My heart was beating so fast in my chest with the thought of what I’d just done.
“You won’t believe what I’ve just said to get this money and leave the room Sis,” I panted, still trying to get my breath.
“What have you done?” she smirked, arms crossed across her chest.
“I only told him I needed money to go and pay for a threesome.” I grimaced!
“You What?? And he said yes?” She looked shocked and the smile had totally left her face.
Just then, out of the bathroom came the new boyfriend that I had yet to meet.
“This is Sam, Sam my sister Amelia.” she snapped.
Sam gave me the biggest smile and said, “Nice birthday gift, I hope your sister is as obliging on my birthday.”
My sister was mortified. I couldn’t help but feel like a total floozy now. I left the money and quickly made my exit from the room. She wasn’t happy, a) because my hubby had given me money under the pretence that he was getting a threesome and b) because Sam now thought she would do the same.
“What have I done?” I thought going back down in the elevator. Would he be really disappointed? Or would he see the funny side and be overwhelmed with the fact that I had arranged for all his friends to be here for a party. I was nervous now, my sister was disgusted by the whole thing and her new bf probably thought I was a perv, or the best wife a man could wish for.
I walked back into my own room to find hubs sprawled on the bed flicking through the TV channels. He jumped straight to his feet and was beside me in a second.
“That was quick.” he said surprised, “I thought you’d have been gone longer.”
“Oh no, I met the lady downstairs in the lobby,’ I said, the lie getting bigger and bigger.
“So, what’s the plan?” he asked as he pulled me towards to the bed.
My imagination, once again, jumped into productive mode as I fabricated a whole story of how the evening would go the following day. The more I spoke, the more he smiled. The more he smiled, the more I enjoyed my ever growing lie.
“Well, I have upped the stakes, I have asked for 2 ladies to join us for dinner, a red head and a blonde as I of course am the brunette.” I was enjoying my own fabrication as much as he was and I was loving all the attention.
“We will have dinner with them and then we’ll take it from there. We can choose one to come back here with us or, if you think you’re up for it, we’ll bring them both.” His face an absolute picture, like he’d just won the lottery.
“Oh Amelia, I love you so much and I can’t believe you would do this for me but are you sure you’ll be ok with it?” He asked in a concerned voice.
“Darling, if I wasn’t ok with it, I wouldn’t have organised it. But, like I said, it’s just this once.” I answered, my voice a lot more convincing than I felt.
With that he jumped off the bed and produced a small gift wrapped package from his bag.
“I wanted to give this to you tomorrow for your birthday but you are just so frigging awesome that I want to give it to you now,” he gushed thrusting the package towards me.
“I know it doesn’t compare to the gift you are giving me but I hope you like it.”
Taking the package from him, again I felt a pang of guilt for lying. That all disappeared, however, when I opened the box to find a ‘Chopard happy diamond heart necklace‘ in white gold.
“Oh my god, I love it, thank you, thank you, it’s beautiful.” I held it up for him to hang around my neck.
We had a delicious meal in the restaurant downstairs after checking my sister was safely in her room with room service. Hubs was so loving and attentive and we spent the whole evening discussing how it would go tomorrow night.
Would I get jealous? Would he have the stamina? What he was and was not allowed to do. The story had taken on a life of it’s own and I began to believe it myself.
The next morning the first guests to arrive would be at the hotel around 10.30am, so I needed to have hubs out and distracted for the whole day. Once we got outside into the city I was a little shocked to see how small it was. Would we really be able to avoid 18 people for the whole day in this tiny little town centre? I needed to find an excuse to keep hubs off the streets.
“Let’s go to Marks & Spencer and get you some new underwear for tonight, we need you looking your absolute best if you are to satisfy 3 women darling.” I suggested and he eagerly agreed.
We must’ve spent the best part of 5 hours in M&S as I was terrified to leave. Almost everyone had arrived in town and they were all roaming the streets looking for a place to eat. Every time I received a message or a call I had to use the excuse that it was, in-fact, my birthday and family and friends were calling to wish me a happy day.
We finally made it to 6pm without having bumped into anyone. I actually think that hubs was in such a state of elation that he wouldn’t have noticed them anyway. I had the text message to say the last arrivals had made it to the hotel. The coast was clear so I could get hubs back to our room without bumping into anyone.
Finally, back in the room I felt a huge sense of relief, I made it. I got through the day without any mishaps. Now I would get ready for our dinner date with 18 of his best friends and he would get ready for his hot date with 3 sexy ladies.
The message pinged at precisely 7.30pm. Everyone was in the restaurant and the coast was now clear for us to leave. The venue was just a 5 minute stroll from the hotel. We walked in silence.
Arriving at the restaurant door hubs took me by the waist to face him.
“Are you sure you’re ok with this?” he asked with genuine concern in his eyes.
“I don’t want to do anything that could cause you any pain so I need to know that you really are ok with this.”
“I’m fine darling I promise, I’m quite looking forward to a little transgression.” I squeezed his hand in a ‘we can do this’ gesture.
“Are you ok with this?’ I asked, trying to look as concerned as possible.
He took a deep breath in and released it slowly and nodded his reply.
“Ok then, lets do this.” I said pushing open the door.
We walked down a small flight of stairs and stopped at what looked like a small reception. To our left a long corridor ran into the restaurant and, to my surprise, seated at the first table at the end of this short runway were a blonde and a red head. I knew he had seen them too, what a coincidence.
His palm was sweaty inside mine, he was nervous now. The maitre’d came over and took my name and said this way. Hubs was making a bee line for the table with the two women, he was totally focused on them and didn’t see the table of 18 downstairs to our left.
As he walked up to the table and pulled out a chair for me, he realised the group chorus of ‘Happy Birthday to You’ was coming from behind him and stopped to turn around. His face as he caught sight of a table full of his friends, and me stood with them, was a mixture of joy and pain.
He turned and pushed the chair back under the table and excused himself from the two women and came back towards our table. By this time everyone was on their feet slapping him on the back and saying hello so he couldn’t really say anything to me.
He was disappointed, I knew it, even though he was smiling and laughing.
Finally, as the commotion settled and we began to order, he winked at me across the table and mouthed “nice one.”
I did promise him that we would discuss it again when he was 60. It made for a very entertaining dinner party story and as for the red head and blonde, they had nothing on me!
By Amanda Carrington – Desperate Housewife